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It’s magical” whether he is there or not there, writes Sutapa Sikdar


*Statement from Irrfan Khan’s Family – His wife Sutapa and sons Babil and Ayaan*

The untimely death of  Irrfan Khan has created an irreplaceable void. His death seems to be personal and left the world mourning. Many actors from Bollywood and Hollywood have condoled his family and fans by writing touching notes and uploading videos in his memory.
After a couple of days, his wife Sutapa Sikdar penned an emotional statement for Irrfan’s fans. She shared the journey of Irrfan’s last two years when he was battling with deadly neuroendocrine tumour. Every word in her eulogy will make you shed tears. “The only thing I have grudge against him is; he has spoiled me for life”, she writes in her letter.
Sutapa’s statement touches the heart of every reader and will also tell how strong their love is!
Sutapa had met Irrfan during his NSD days. The duo married in 1995. They have two sons Babil and Ayaan.

Read Sutapa’s statement:
How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment? I want to assure everyone that this is not a loss, it is a gain. It’s a gain of the things he taught us, and now we shall finally begin to truly implement it and evolve. Yet I want to try to fill in the things that people don’t already know.
It’s unbelievable for us but I would put it in Irrfan’s words, “it’s magical” whether he is here or not, and that’s what he loved, he never loved one-dimensional reality. The only thing I have a grudge against him is; he has spoiled me for life. His strive for perfection doesn’t let me settle for ordinary in anything. There was a rhythm which he always saw in everything, even in cacophony and chaos, so I have to sing and dance to the music of that rhythm, even with my tone-deaf voice and two left feet. Funnily, our life was a masterclass in acting, so when the dramatic entry of the “uninvited guests” happened, I had by then learnt, to see harmony in the cacophony. The doctor’s reports were like scripts that I wanted to perfect, so I never miss any detail that he sought for in his performance. We met some amazing people in this journey and the list is endless, but there are some whom I have to mention, our oncologist Dr. Nitesh Rohtogi (Max hospital Saket) who held our hand in the beginning, Dr. Dan Krell (UK), Dr. Shidravi (UK), my heartbeat and my lantern in the dark Dr. Sevanti Limaye (Kokilaben hospital). It’s difficult to explain what a wondrous, beautiful, overwhelming, painful, and exciting this journey has been. I find this 2 and a half years to have been an interlude, which had its own beginning, middle, and culmination with Irrfan helming the role of the orchestra conductor, separate from the 35 years of our companionship, ours was not a marriage, it was a union. I see my little family, in a boat, with both my sons Babil and Ayaan, paddling it forward, with Irrfan guiding them “Wahan nahi, yahan se modo” but since life is not cinema and there are no retakes, I sincerely wish my children sail this boat safely with their father’s guidance in mind and rockabye through the storm. I asked my children, if possible, they could sum up a lesson taught by their father that has been important to them;
Babil: “Learn to surrender to the dance of uncertainty and trust your faith in the universe”.
Ayaan: “Learn to control your mind and to not let it control you.”
Tears will flow as we will plant a Raat ki Rani plant, his favourite, to the place where you have put him to rest after a victorious journey. It takes time but it will bloom and the fragrance will spread and touch all the souls whom I won’t call them fans but family for years to come.



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